I grew up in the church. With my parents being ministers and eventually pastoring a church, serving in the church was not an option and since we are a musically inclined family, every one of my siblings and I started off serving in the choir until The Lord began to grow us in our individual callings and we ventured into other parts of ministry.
I began singing in the choir at the age of 9 and I’ve remained in that ministry till date. I grew to a position where I started leading the praise team and it was in that calling that my desire for the “WHO” of God, His essence, began to grow in me. I began to grow in the WORD and my understanding of Worship deepened helping me create an atmosphere of sincere love for God in worship through songs.
Creating a song list got easier when I transitioned from singing to worshipping. When the focused stopped being about me and my musical abilities and started centering on Him. (Now that process was long, but I am glad that the Lord broke that hold off of me. I’ll talk about that some other time). I was in it for Him and as long as He was Glorified, I was right where I needed to be. I’ve grown to see only Him, not minding the eyes or the reaction of the crowd and oh the freedom it has created in me to be unapologetic and fully expressive in my Worship of Him.
I was to lead Worship one particular Sunday and the week prior had been pretty busy at work, so I didn’t get the time to seek the face of the Lord in prayer like I usually did before creating a song list. (Worship through songs is a spiritual art as much as it is artistic and I never want to compromise Heart for Art). I looked through old song lists that I had on my phone and put a few songs together. When I got to rehearsals, I didn’t feel connected to the songs. The rhythm seemed off, the melody was off and it was all-round off feeling. This was a feeling I have had before. After being on “stage” for so long, you can tell when your spirit connects with a particular set and I knew that I wasn’t with this and I had every intention of changing the song list to another list that I felt would move the crowd.
It was then I was reminded of who actually does the moving; It’s the Holy Spirit. The Lord saw my heart, that I had been so focused on how I felt and translated my feeling to the move of God. Don’t get me wrong, it is important that as a worship leader, you love/enjoy the songs that you are singing, because that Joy will be contagious when it is time to minister. But I had no joy in this and my attempt to fix it was self-centered. I prayed that the Lord would help me to set my gaze on Him, since the worship is of Him. That He would saturate the lyrics with His spirit and do the work of ministering to His people.
After this prayer, I felt free. It felt like I was carrying a huge burden that was now lifted and placed in the hand of the one who was capable of carrying it.
How many times have we carried burdens that was never meant for us and have buckled under the weight of it? How many times have we found ourselves in situations where we needed to be in control when instead the Lord was calling us to give it all to Him? It seems as if we don’t trust God enough to handle it, yet we ourselves are not faring any better. What then should we do?
Matthew 11:28-30 gives us the answer “Come to Me all you who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle, and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light”.
The Lord has called us to take his rest. He has called us to work the work he has given us from the place of rest, His finished works. When we allow pride to get in the way of our surrender to God, it only hurts us. Yes, God is the one who gave us the Vision but never forget that He will be the one to sponsor the Wisdom and Strength needed for the execution.
The amount of peace and clarity that came over me after the prayer was unparalleled and my gaze had been shifted to God. The worship was for Him, so why was I so bothered by how I felt? Why was I bothered by how it would be accepted. When I let go of my desire to “control” the move of God, it allowed God to have his way, unhindered by me and it was a glorious time of worship.
This can be applied to any aspect of our lives. When we get so carried away by what we can do, or how we feel that we fail to see the bigger picture and let God have his way.
For anyone reading and resonating with this, whether it’s a particular situation or a general attitude towards life, The Lord is asking you to let go and let Him. Give Him the weight of your struggles and His rest is waiting for you on the other side of your surrender.
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